A Trucker's Tale – It’s Your Tie-Ya! (Tire)

Aug 21, 2025 - 17 days ago

Just about every truck driver knows there are those times, usually an hour or two before dawn, when it is all but impossible to hold your eyes open. By Ed Miller.

A Trucker's Tale - It's Your Tie-Ya!

He/she also realizes how helpful the CB radio is by conversing with other drivers. There are nights he might talk with another driver for 20 to 30 miles. Other nights, he could travel hundreds of miles with a driver, while talking about trucks, families, football, or any other subject, which helps break the monotony, and more importantly, it helps to keep both awake.

I was driving one night while listening to two drivers having these types of conversations. It was one of those nights with very little CB chatter, and I enjoyed listening to them for quite some time, because the drivers were not using the foul language we hear too often. Except for the occasional “Smoky” alert, other drivers must have also enjoyed the two driver’s conversations, because it was just the two of them talking.

The driver of the rear vehicle came on the CB and excitedly shouted in a very high-pitched voice, “Hey, man. There is something running alongside your damned trailer! I can’t see exactly what it is, but the son-of-a-bitch is running right beside you! Oh, Oh, Oh, God damn, wait a minute. It’s, it’s, it’s……. it’s your !#^#*!-ing tie-yah!”

One of the lead driver’s trailer tires had come off an axle, and the tire’s momentum caused it to keep pace with the trailer, until it eventually ran off the road. As I passed the scene a few minutes later, both drivers had retrieved the offending tie-ya out of the median.

A few miles down the road the CB radios suddenly came back to life. For the next hundred miles, I kept listening to drivers repeating, “It’s your #^#*-ing tie-yah!” I must have heard it a dozen times. (I may have even repeated it once, or twice, myself.)

Several days later, I picked up a load at a glass bottle plant outside of Atlanta, GA. When I arrived to deliver the load of empty one-gallon glass jars to an apple processor in upstate New York, I couldn’t wait to crawl into the bunk because I was plumb worn out. I handed the bills to the receiving clerk, and I asked if he could wake me up when they finished unloading my trailer. The guy looked and me and politely stated, “Well, you have to help us unload your trailer, so we can just wait until you finish your nap before we start on it.”

Damn, there wasn’t much I could do about it, so I just figured I would be unloaded sooner by helping, which would also get me in the bunk sooner. The empty jars were packed four to a case, and all we had to do with this floor load (not palletized) was to place each case on a roller conveyor. Unloading actually went quicker than I would have thought. The unloading crew seemed to work faster because I was also working fast and steady.

Upon finishing, the receiver told me the jars would soon be filled with apple cider. He asked me to follow him into the warehouse. He hit a button, and a thick, heavy door opened a few feet to reveal a cavernous, refrigerated warehouse packed-full of bins of gorgeous, red apples. Each apple had very fine droplets of moisture on them. The fellow told me the apples had been in storage for several months while waiting for processing. He found a bag and filled it with those luscious-looking apples. He also wished me a good sleep and a safe trip.

I phoned to inform my dispatcher that I was empty. He gave me my next dispatch, and he said that I could go pick up my next load when I woke up. I was to deadhead (drive empty with no load) just west of Pittsburgh to pick up a load of motor oil heading back to Atlanta. The shipper was open 24/7, so it didn’t matter what time I arrived.

The actual trip from New York to Newell, WV to Atlanta was so uneventful that I wouldn’t even remember it if that receiver hadn’t given me that bag of apples, especially if I hadn’t eaten five of them along the way.

A Trucker's Tale - It's Your Tie-Ya! — *You’ve heard of “an apple a day...” but what about five?*

My early delivery in Atlanta went very quickly. I headed north to a truck stop off I-85 to grab a shower and some breakfast. Suddenly, my stomach started growling so loudly that I heard it over the truck noises. Then, the stomach cramps began!

Oh God, I beseech you, where is that exit for the truck stop? Great, there is a sign that says five miles to the exit, and the pains begin to subside. One mile later, the cramps returned with a vengeance, and my rear end was ready to explode. Dear Lord, if you don’t let me s__t my pants, I promise never to eat so many apples in a 24-hour period! Clinching my cheeks so hard had my body as stiff as a board, which made driving a truck anything but safe.

Fantastic! There was the exit. As I started up the ramp, I thought I would cry when I saw a long line of trucks waiting to turn onto the highway leading to the truck stop. Damn, the pains were unbelievable!

What’s a trucker to do? Knowing I could not hold it any longer, I pulled onto the ramps shoulder, set the brakes, turned-on the four-ways, grabbed a box of Kleenex, jumped over the guard rail, and practically ran down the embankment until I found a somewhat level place.

Well folks, I am positive the drivers in the truck stop bathroom were glad I didn’t make it in there. Even though it might have challenged the origination of that saying “does a bear s**t in the woods” [the bear might have gotten that idea from me that night] that feeling of instant relief was unlike anything I had ever experienced or will ever experience! I was so weak that I had a helluva time climbing back up the hill to my truck.

I have often wondered what everyone thought about the fact that I couldn’t stop grinning the whole time I showered and ate breakfast. Yes, joy and happiness come about for many reasons!

Whew, what a way to learn the lesson of what happens when you eat too many apples in a short time span! It is also a good way to lose weight.

Ed Miller ([email protected]) has more than 40 years of management and ownership experience in the trucking industry. Today, he is a part-time tour bus driver, published author of “A Trucker’s Tale”, and regular contributor to Supply Post. He is a father of three and a grandfather of two, and lives with his wife in Rising Sun, Maryland.